I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
