I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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