bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
