i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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