Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
