Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
