I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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