it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize