you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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