in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
