She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Vodka?
Forever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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