When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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