I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
