thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
