Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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