dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
