Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can text with my tongue
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
