Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize