Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
