he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
