I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
