I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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