glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
