I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
