____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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