Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
