she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
