I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
