I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
