White coat. Heels.
My pussy is not your playground.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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