Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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