Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
