So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
