Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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