Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
