Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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