Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
