Nicole vs. Life
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
