don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ttyl tear gas
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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