When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize