I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
