WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
