You really coming over, don't trick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
