I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
