Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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