It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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