i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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