dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
