Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
