I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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