her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
