went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
