Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
