Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
