Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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