I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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