apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
