honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
