we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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