mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
