we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
