Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
