well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
