im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
