please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
