My first STD was from a foam party
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
